Something happened last night......

I broke. I was at church and I just broke. See for the past couple of months I have been lost. my heart hasn't been warm and I've been bitter. I wasn't sure why. I had lost all the passion I had with God. I was losing myself and who I was in Christ. But last night he finally got through to me.
See we fill ourselves up with all the crap the world offers us that we end up being to full and no longer hungry for christ. Thats what has been happening to me. I have been filling myself up but not with money or clothes. Not with drugs or alcohol. But with boys.(surprised haha) I fill myself up with the attention from boys. Usually it ends up with me getting hurt or me hurting them.
Last night my friend sarah grabbed my arm and pulled me to the altar. In the middle of a song (The Wondrous Cross). She prayed for me (not knowing what was going on in my life) and I wept. I was shaking my whole body was warm. All that love I had been searching for in other guys filled me up but this wasnt human love. It was God's love. I finally was hungry for him. and he was filling me up. I realized that i dont need to search for the attention and emotion from guys to be loved its been around me this whole time. God loves me. I'm his and he is mine. I'm able to move forward with knowing that God has prepared for me a husband but I'm not ready yet. I have to move with Christ and the more I move towards him the closer I will get to happiness.
So I'm ready. Ready to move on. Ready to be loved. Ready to Love. Ready to be Cardinal Seawell the follower and servant of Jesus Christ.
And I encourage to those who read this ( I think the six of you haha) do the same. It will change your life. There will be heartache and struggles but when you get to the end it will all be worth it.