Wednesday is getting closer. Things are slowly getting in boxes. Clothes are still all out on the bed but its getting there.
I think I'm Ready
Yea.
I'm Ready.
Right?
No I am.
: )
NEW ORLEANS! I cant believe it. I am getting out of here. I am moving on. I am getting older. I am about to really move forward. ITS EXCITING!
Last night was hard with it being one of the last sundays at COTA for a while. That church, the family I have there, thats the hardest part about leaving. Sure I'm going to miss my friends and my bed and my pets and my family. But COTA is such a huge part of who I am. My bible study girls, stephanie, andy, it all. The spirit in that church helped me become the follower of christ i am now. Its comforting knowing they will always be there praying for me.
Thanks COTA i love yall.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Something happened last night......
I broke. I was at church and I just broke. See for the past couple of months I have been lost. my heart hasn't been warm and I've been bitter. I wasn't sure why. I had lost all the passion I had with God. I was losing myself and who I was in Christ. But last night he finally got through to me.
See we fill ourselves up with all the crap the world offers us that we end up being to full and no longer hungry for christ. Thats what has been happening to me. I have been filling myself up but not with money or clothes. Not with drugs or alcohol. But with boys.(surprised haha) I fill myself up with the attention from boys. Usually it ends up with me getting hurt or me hurting them.
Last night my friend sarah grabbed my arm and pulled me to the altar. In the middle of a song (The Wondrous Cross). She prayed for me (not knowing what was going on in my life) and I wept. I was shaking my whole body was warm. All that love I had been searching for in other guys filled me up but this wasnt human love. It was God's love. I finally was hungry for him. and he was filling me up. I realized that i dont need to search for the attention and emotion from guys to be loved its been around me this whole time. God loves me. I'm his and he is mine. I'm able to move forward with knowing that God has prepared for me a husband but I'm not ready yet. I have to move with Christ and the more I move towards him the closer I will get to happiness.
So I'm ready. Ready to move on. Ready to be loved. Ready to Love. Ready to be Cardinal Seawell the follower and servant of Jesus Christ.
And I encourage to those who read this ( I think the six of you haha) do the same. It will change your life. There will be heartache and struggles but when you get to the end it will all be worth it.
See we fill ourselves up with all the crap the world offers us that we end up being to full and no longer hungry for christ. Thats what has been happening to me. I have been filling myself up but not with money or clothes. Not with drugs or alcohol. But with boys.(surprised haha) I fill myself up with the attention from boys. Usually it ends up with me getting hurt or me hurting them.
Last night my friend sarah grabbed my arm and pulled me to the altar. In the middle of a song (The Wondrous Cross). She prayed for me (not knowing what was going on in my life) and I wept. I was shaking my whole body was warm. All that love I had been searching for in other guys filled me up but this wasnt human love. It was God's love. I finally was hungry for him. and he was filling me up. I realized that i dont need to search for the attention and emotion from guys to be loved its been around me this whole time. God loves me. I'm his and he is mine. I'm able to move forward with knowing that God has prepared for me a husband but I'm not ready yet. I have to move with Christ and the more I move towards him the closer I will get to happiness.
So I'm ready. Ready to move on. Ready to be loved. Ready to Love. Ready to be Cardinal Seawell the follower and servant of Jesus Christ.
And I encourage to those who read this ( I think the six of you haha) do the same. It will change your life. There will be heartache and struggles but when you get to the end it will all be worth it.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
simple gift.
I had a dream about Uganda last night. About Nebbe village. I looked at my pictures yesterday and just remembered how beautiful the country is. The rolling hills that covered it. Prayer Mountain was such a special place and I feel the need to be back there. To be connected again to the earth and feel God. His presence was surrounding. The minute I got home I found myself tempted and convicted. Its amazing how I found peace in a country unknown to me. How I was more myself somewhere no one knew me.
Today I got a present in the mail. It was from my friend Freddy from Tanzania. He sent me this letter :
Dearest Cardinal,
Dear sister I'm grateful to have you as my nearest and closest friend who cares much about me! I think this was God's plan to connect me with you. I did not know that I will be in contact with someone special like you! Dearest I'm still putting my self in prayers so that you never change, just be the same.
In spite of those I'm personally sending you special greetings from my father and my sisters and not to forget your family.
My dear I will always keep you in my prayers so that you fullfill your dreams in your future plans, as you always recalling me, and think of me all the time.
Best wishes and send my regards to all COTA Mission members I do pray for them.
God Bless
Bro. Freddy
PS Cardinal you're so valued 2 me.
His letter came with a bracelet too. This was all I needed. To know that I have a friend halfway around the world praying for me just fills me with joy. This man in his early 20s is living a life like Jesus. He lives with love service and prayer. Why can't I? Am I to distracted by all the worldly things in my life? Have I become to self absorb? Or is it simply because I have not embraced the love of God?
Once you recognize how much God loves you it is impossible to not love others. God wants us to humble ourselves to him so that we may enter into a full relationship with him and with others. Once we give ourselves to the Lord he will send us out to share his love. It may be just to our neighbors or it may be to someone in another country. But we must be like Jesus. Freddy understands this. Each person I saw him come in contact with it was with a smile and with heart. He may not realize it. But he is my witness.
1 Corinthians 13:1-6
"If I speak in tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if i have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing."
Today I got a present in the mail. It was from my friend Freddy from Tanzania. He sent me this letter :
Dearest Cardinal,
Dear sister I'm grateful to have you as my nearest and closest friend who cares much about me! I think this was God's plan to connect me with you. I did not know that I will be in contact with someone special like you! Dearest I'm still putting my self in prayers so that you never change, just be the same.
In spite of those I'm personally sending you special greetings from my father and my sisters and not to forget your family.
My dear I will always keep you in my prayers so that you fullfill your dreams in your future plans, as you always recalling me, and think of me all the time.
Best wishes and send my regards to all COTA Mission members I do pray for them.
God Bless
Bro. Freddy
PS Cardinal you're so valued 2 me.
His letter came with a bracelet too. This was all I needed. To know that I have a friend halfway around the world praying for me just fills me with joy. This man in his early 20s is living a life like Jesus. He lives with love service and prayer. Why can't I? Am I to distracted by all the worldly things in my life? Have I become to self absorb? Or is it simply because I have not embraced the love of God?
Once you recognize how much God loves you it is impossible to not love others. God wants us to humble ourselves to him so that we may enter into a full relationship with him and with others. Once we give ourselves to the Lord he will send us out to share his love. It may be just to our neighbors or it may be to someone in another country. But we must be like Jesus. Freddy understands this. Each person I saw him come in contact with it was with a smile and with heart. He may not realize it. But he is my witness.
1 Corinthians 13:1-6
"If I speak in tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if i have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing."
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)