Gah! The stress! It's basically taking over my life.

If I only lived in the moments. Quietness......Trees......right now the leaves would be orange.......a trickling creek nearby....... I wanna escape there.

But I like the noise.....the busyness of the day mixed with the sound of friends gathering.....children laughing.....music coming from different directions.....I live with this noise.

But I just need to escape please.

I need the woods, or just the silence of the breeze.

But I have to write this paper. Which is on my computer. Which has to be plugged in. Which unfortunately can't happen outside.

Dear Mom,

I will be going to Sewanee with you.

Psalm 30 (The Message)

"I give you all the credit, God-

you got me out of that mess,

you didn't let my foes gloat.

God, my God, I yelled for help

and you put me together.

God, you pulled me out of the grave,

gave me another chance at life

when I was down-and-out.

All the saints! Sing your hearts out to God!

Thank him to his face!

He gets angry once in a while, but across

a lifetime there is only love.

The nights of crying your eyes out

give way to days of laughter.

When things were going great

I crowed, "I've got it made.

I'm God's favorite.

He made me king of the mountain."

Then you looked the other way

and I fell to pieces.

I called out to you, God;

I laid my case before you:

"Can you sell me for a profit when I'm dead?

auction me off at a cemetery yard sale?

When I'm 'dust to dust' my songs

and stories of you won't sell.

So listen! and be kind!

Help me out of this!"

You did it: you changed wild lament

into whirling dance;

You ripped off my black mourning band

and decked me with wildflowers.

I'm about to burst with song;

I can't keep quiet about you.

God, my God,

I can't thank you enough."

What I love about the set of Psalms that are labeled "A David Psalm"(psalms 3-41), is that it's continuously back and forth between crying out for help and praising God with thanks for answering him. And when David thanks GOD, he really thanks him. verse one says "I give you all the credit God you got me out of the mess, you didn't let my foes gloat." or in the ESV version "I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up and have not let my foes rejoice over me." How many times can I say when something goes great I give God all the credit? Usually I'll say to myself, "Good job Cardinal! Way to stay strong through that one and not let them put you down! WOOHOO you are awesome!!" and then here is David who has been struggling then his prayers are answered then struggles again and cries out, and every time his prayers are answered my shouts of joy are changed by him into this: "Amazing works GOD!! Thank YOU for giving me strength and not letting them put me down!! WOOHOO GOD you are awesome! With your answers to my prayers, I was able to get through this. With the strength of your love, I was able to get through this!!" See the difference? David understood that even when he messed up, if he cried out to God with full heart, God would help him. And every time David recognized that it was God who did it all, his praises became something of poetry and beauty. Something worth singing out!

What is it that inspires you?

I was thinking about inspiration today. And the different things that inspire me....... So I made a list (in no particular order)

1. The Barbarian Way- this book inspired me to live my life/faith like a rhino. Running full speed not knowing what was infront of me but having faith that I have protection. It inspired me to take those risk and be okay with living outside the lines.

2. Listening to music- We all have those musicians/songs who just inspire us to go out and take the world by storm. Or to at least get through a tough time. It amazes how much music inspires me. Like right now, i'm listening to my Brooke Fraser Pandora station which whenever i listen to I'm inspired to write and share. I guess thats why I love music so much, it has such an affect on some individuals that can be awesome.

3. Concerts- this goes with listening to music , but more importantly whenever i see live music, whether at church or Jazz Fest I all of the sudden get inspired to go and finish that song that I have been trying to do. Or to go learn that banjo like I told Dad I would.

4. Daddy's Sermons- When I hear my dad preach........ that is one of the biggest inspirations in my life. I see his enthusiasm and his wholeness. He loves his job, he believes what he says, and hahaha he does this thing hahaha whenever he gets real excited in his sermons he will bounce on his toes hahaha its the best, and thats when I know the Spirit is at full power in him. I get so inspired to figure out how I can recognize that same Spirit and learn to let it control me and make me bounce on my toes.

5. Blake Mycoskie (TOMS shoes guy)- This guy has taken an idea and ran with it, being successful in a company that has put shoes on numerous children who have none. I heard him talk and his story is truly inspiring. Afterwards, I was inspired to believe that my idea for making a change(which will be revealed in time) could work.

6. My mom's life - You know how people say mother's must be superheroes. They are. How my mother maintains a position as V.P. at work, do all she does for my brothers' soccer, started SEEDS and help our schools, get me into school, and so much more baffles me. But inspires me to never doubt myself or give up on those i love. Though she wears herself thin, she never once let that stop her from doing the things that were important to her family, community, and herself.

7. Book of Ephesians- Eph. 4:1-3 "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." UNITY

8. I Love Lucy - I mean that show is just ballin'. We all need humor in our life. You know what they say, laughing helps you lose weight. So thank you I Love Lucy for inspiring me to be humorous and carefree leading to a nice workout many times a day. (this goes for Three's Company also)

So thats my list. There are tons more. But I just find it funny how easy it is to be inspired. Its hard to escape inspiration but for some people its hard to find it. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I kinda just felt like recognizing some inspirations in my life, cause they have helped me. They have made a mark. Alright enough babbling i think i am going to find some inspiration to finish my book...........

Revelations 21

"The Leaves of the tree for the healing of the nations."

mmmmm that image is just beautiful in my mind. There I am in heaven sitting under this beautiful tree and leaves the color of fall each one for the healing of the nations. Each one answers to my prayers.

Tell me that isn't beautiful

We all have that point in our life....That point where we go... crap... what do I do now? Am I going in the right path? Am I at the right school? Am I dating the right person? Right Major? Job? Town? Who am I? This is so normal and one of the worst moment for all of us. Its the scariest most frustrating one too. In college, I at least, along with many people who I've talked to, almost have this feeling of we are going through this identity crisis alone. No direction. Sure there are counselors, teachers, peers, and parents. But they dont really know us, they dont know what we feel when we lay down at night, or what we dream of, or that secret to do list we really want to finish but just havent ever had someone say go ahead do it. We know in a sense what we want, or what we think we want. Thats what we pray for. Thats what we work for. But then it happens.

It doesn't work out. All of the sudden that path you were on is turning out to be completely different than what you imagined. All of the sudden your list and map of the next five years is getting messed up. Guess what. It happens. Its called life and you're not in control.

Scary right.

So I was sitting here thinking about all of this and I started getting excited. I dont know what I am doing. I dont know where I am in my life. I dont who I am in a sense. I've never been so confused. But I think I'm actually okay with that.

I think if I learn to accept the unknowingness of what, where, and who and focus on the why it will be freeing and meaningful. Let me explain. Accepting not knowing who I am means I can allow myself to become the person who God truly wants me to be and not who the world has convinced me i want to be. Accepting not knowing where I am in my life will keep me open to exploring other places that I might have been to scared to go. Accepting not knowing the what is just like the where, room to explore.

But the why is important. You need remember whose you are and WHY we do all of the whats go to the wheres and be the whos. Its to show love. If you believe that every day is filled with being a light for God and showing love and truly doing something that you feel is of huge importance than all those things that you feel need direction will all of sudden be lead. Because if we allow our day to be filled with sharing God's love and dedicate time to him, we will start seeing that us not knowing is God's way of saying let me take control.

I am not saying every thing is gonna fall into place right away or you will wake up the next morning with complete understanding of who you are. I am saying you will wake up with being free of the worry. You will wake up excited and okay with trusting that if you make your decisions based off God's teachings than you will be pretty much well off.

Remember Whose You Are

When it seems like its all lost

you start finding

When you think you've got nothing left

you start getting

When you are pretty sure you have been left unheard

you are answered

and when you think you've grown as much as you can

you move.

So don't put limits on yourself

Don't be defined by what you were

Yet don't be defined by who you are

Knowing who you are seems nice

its preached to be important

but knowing who you are

only keeps you from exploring

More importantly

Know whose you are

remember that

live because of that

and you will grow

you will be heard

you will have something left

you will find

what you have been looking for

Music for Relief

After you download the tunes make a donation to help Haiti
No set amount just do as much as you can
And enjoy the music!

1 John 2:6-10 (The Message)
If someone claims, "I know him well!" but doesn't keep his commandments, he's obviously a liar. His life doesn't match his words. But the one who keeps God's word is the person in whom we see God's mature love. This is the only way to be sure we're in God. Anyone who claims to be intimate with God ought to live the same kind of life Jesus lived.My dear friends, I'm not writing anything new here. This is the oldest commandment in the book, and you've known it from day one. It's always been implicit in the Message you've heard. On the other hand, perhaps it is new, freshly minted as it is in both Christ and you—the darkness on its way out and the True Light already blazing!Anyone who claims to live in God's light and hates a brother or sister is still in the dark. It's the person who loves brother and sister who dwells in God's light and doesn't block the light from others. But whoever hates is still in the dark, stumbles around in the dark, doesn't know which end is up, blinded by the darkness.Anyone who claims to live in God's light and hates a brother or sister is still in the dark. It's the person who loves brother and sister who dwells in God's light and doesn't block the light from others. But whoever hates is still in the dark stumbles around in the dark, doesn't know which end is up, blinded by the darkness.

Wide Awake

'That little bit of sadness in the mornings you spoke of? I think I know what that is. Perhaps you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing." - Elijah Unbreakable

I just read this quote in a book I am about to start reading called Wide Awake. Its by Erwin Raphael McManus. He heard it in a movie he had watched. Its so funny though because this relates so much to what I was going to write about.......

Today is the 9th of January. 2010. A new year.

I am sitting at home in Daphne having my quiet time (which is listening to my Explosions in the Sky station on Pandora and reading and writing. Not really quiet time but more like multi tasking time) and just am thinking about this New Year.

First I am looking back at all the things that happened last year. '09 was intense

I ended a period in my life then began a new one. But to avoid the cliche memory writing of the year I am going to go straight to the point.

I wanna wake up each morning and be pumped about what the day has in store.... I want to be Wide Awake. Thats my New Years resolution

This summer I finished the book Barbarian Way by McManus, and it talked about how we should live our life with Christ like a rhino. Running full force even though we dont know whats in front of us but trusting that God will protect us.

I told myself I was going to do that but then Satan stepped in. He put worry in my mind, and doubt in my heart. He put distractions in my way and temptation at my feet.

So began my first semester of freshmen year. I don't regret any part of this past semester because some amazing things came out of it and I learned alot about myself. However I kinda lost myself in the mess of college and was losing myself more and more

but God stepped in this Christmas

For those who dont know I went on a service trip to Jamaica with my school. Fourteen of us went and it was everything but horrible.

The trip was Joyfully Challenging and I came home with a feeling that I want to be more this year. That I want to live fuller and deeper. I want to be more excited and I want to spend more time looking at the little things.

I don't want to wake up in the morning with a feeling of sadness but with excitement. Because I know that even though there will be hardship and struggle I am still free to love and be me.

This is a new year and God gives us chances to start over with a clean slate. You know my heart oh Lord.

Bring it on 2010